Inside Millen's brain: If I ran the Tigers

Things are kinda slow on the football front, so I've been thinking, even though it hurts. What if W.C. bought the Tigers? I'm sure he'd name me Tigers President and Grand Poobah. I even made me a list as to what I would do if I ran the Tigers.

1. Fire Jim Leeland, but let him twist in the wind like Gary Moeller first. Hanging Moeller out to dry was big fun! Hee! Who cares if Leeland's a folk hero. I'm Matt Millen, and Matt Millen wins with Matt Millen's people, not with someone's leftovers, cause I'm Matt Millen! I'd then hire Ozzie Guyen. I'm on the same mental wave length as Guyen. Ozzie called that joy-boy Mariotti a "Fag." Hee! When it comes to joy-boys, like Johnny Morton or Jay Mariotti, I calls 'em as I sees 'em. I calls 'em fags. Damn joy-boys.

2. Since it worked out so well in my case, I'd hire a broadcaster to run the Tigers. I'd name John Kruk Tiger general manager. After hearing his brilliant trade scenarios, like the Zumya for Smotz deal, I think Kruk is another Mel Kiper. But even more smarter. I think he hates joy-boys too. If Kruk wasn't available? Rob Dibble. He's sooo funny on that damn sports best period damn period sports show. Reminds me of Marty. Hee!

3. Bring back Bobby Higginson. I like the cut of Higgy's jib, and I heard that the fans loved him. I've always said every team needs a rat. He dates strippers, so I'm sure he hates the joy-boys.

4. Sign several free agents that play the same position. If I had been involved in signing Maggie Ordonez, I'd have kept Higgy in right and would have made Maggs a shortstop. Chubby Rodryeguez? Keep Inge at catcher, and move Chubby to short. Kenny Rogers? Why the Tigers have a singer on the roster is beyond me, but I hear he's a gold glover too, so he could play shortstop. Just like wide receivers and quarterbacks, you can't have too many shortstops. As for Dimitri Young? DH. I'm not that stupid. Hee!

5. Extend Tod Jones' contract. I like Jonesy. He doesn't like joy-boys, either. Jonesy has a cool ass fu-manchu 'stache that puts mine to shame. Not that I don't have a cool 'stache. It's the same one I've had since 9th grade. Then I see that kid from Gozagga with one just like mine! Cool!

6. "Gum Time?" What in the Hell is "Gum Time?" Sounds like something the joy-boys would like, so I'd tell Nat Robberson to stop, or I'll cut his ass. Why? 'Cause I'm Matt Millen!

7. How would I handle the baseball amateur draft? I'd follow my checklist.

a. Concussion prone
b. Injured
c. Overweight
f. Lazy
2. Inconsistent
8. Skill position
+. Injured
x. Not a joy-boy
!. Kiper likes him
69. Hee!

If a player meets at least 4 of the criteria, I'm signing him to the dotted line. Then I'll sign him to a contract!

I'd follow these 10 ideas and lead the Tigers straight to the World Cup Championship!

Breaking down the Pistons draft

I flipped by the Worldwide Leader last night, and saw that 5 hours of Stephen A. Smith was on the docket. No man should have that inflicted upon them, so I pretty much ignored the NBA draft till later in the night, as the Pistons weren't scheduled to pick till around 2am anyway...

The draft word from Joe Dumars: "Will Blalock is the Matt Leinart of the NBA..."

So the last pick of the draft has banged Paris Hilton and Tara Reid? Dated LA star fuckers? Is overrated? Was passed over by the Lions? Is despised by Notre Dame fans? Now that I have the jokes out of the way, I'll add the rest of Dumars' quote. "...the way he slid down the board."

Blalock has been described as a smaller, pass first, pentrating (Just ask Paris and Tara!) point guard who can't shoot. Wow! It's the second coming of Mateen Cleaves. A trade for one of the Barry brothers, a series of 10 day contracts, and the NBDL, here we come...

Cheick Samb, the Lakers 2nd round pick, was picked up by the Pistons in exchange for Darvin Ham Maurice Evans. Evans won't be missed, and the move gives the Pistons about a $1.50 worth of cap relief. Carlos Delfino will finally get some extended playing time. If that's good or bad, it's yet to be determined. It's about time the Pistons found out about Delfino, once and for all.

As for Samb, all you need to know are is his vitals. Well, he is 7'-1". OK, a big man is always useful. But his weight is...195? Hell, Manute Bol had a better build. Karen Carpenter weighed more. Dumars needs to get that man a dagwood sammich, stat! At least Samb (Insert your favorite draft buzz words here) is long-has length-has tremendous upside-is a raw shot blocker-has potential, but needs seasoning. See ya in 3 years and 100 pounds, Cheik!

So, what are the draft impressions of TWFE? It met my very low expectations. We knew it was going to be impossible for the Pistons to find a player who would have a shot of even making a remote impact on the roster. Mission accomplished.

The question...Who will be the left handed power bat? The answer is...Da Meat Hook?

The Tigers are overturning every possible stone in their desperate search for a powerful left handed bat. Under one of those stones, Dave Dombrowski has found a switch hitting DH/1B/3B/LF jack of all trades. Good news, right? Well, maybe not. The "Jack of all trades" is Dmitri Young, who fits the "Master of none" part of the equation.


Da Meat Hook is headed for a rehab stint in Lakeland. In case you were wondering, Betty Ford has not opened a clinic in Florida.

As Dmeat may be back in the Tigers pitcture, it's time to do something TWFE loves, and hasn't done since the days of Darko. What might that be? A Pro and Con exercise!

Pro: Dmeat can play 3 positions.
Con: He plays none of them well.

Pro: He's has a history of being a good hitter.
Con: Expecially of 21 year old women.

Pro: Young swings from both sides.
Con: When punching 21 year old women.

Pro: He has shown power from the left side.
Con: When punching 21 year old women.

Pro: He connects for a good average from the right side.
Con: When punching 21 year old women.

Pro: He can DH.
Con: Because you want him nowhere near glove leather...Or 21 year old women.

Pro: Da Meat Hook is in the best shape of his life.
Con: If you like a pear shape.

Pro: Now that he's in better shape, his speed has increased.
Con: When running from bench warrants.

Pro: Expect the all you can eat buffets in Lakeland to have a spike in sales.
Con: Liquor stores can only hope for a relapse.

Pro: He brings something to the clubhouse.
Con: That something being clubhouse cancer, cliques, and police investigations.

Pro: Young is a role model.
Con: Example #1 of Dmitri's influence is his brother Delmon, who uses umpires as batting tees.

Pro: Dmitri is already under contract.
Con: So is Nook Logan, and I don't want him anywhere near Detroit either.

Pro: Da Meat Hook coming back may end any trade talks for a left handed bat.
Con: Who needs Bobby Abrau when you have Dmitri Young?

So Dmitri Young may be back in a Tiger uniform. As if Jim Leyland doesn't have enough on his managerial plate. Well, we know Dmeat's plate will be full...

Why Detroit sports talk radio blows: Reason #42

The Tigers are in a pennant race. MLB trade rumors are running rampant. Questions abound as to who will be in goal for the Red Wings. The NBA draft is tonight, with free agency starting Saturday. The World Cup is down to the round of 8. And just what have the asshats that are Stoney and Wojo been discussing on WDFN for the last 20 minutes?

Men's body piercings. F'n piercings? Christ almighty. This is exactly why I find myself listening to The Fan less and less.

I need to get XM or Sirius. ASAP.

Stupidity is contagious

The baseball talking heads at the the WWLiS continue to amaze me with their constant inanity. The only explanation I have is that there must be something in the water at the Worldwide Leader.

I've already skewered "Baseball Tonight" expert (Term used very loosely), and noted chubby guy, John Kruk, in regard to his asinine trade suggestion of Joel Zumaya for John Smoltz. It was funny...once. The Tiger fanbase just laughed at both Kruk and the trade, and dismissed the scenario as ludicrous. Unfortunately, the Worldwide Leader won't let this rumor die a well deserved death.

Steve Phillips, showing exactly why he no longer a MLB GM, agreed with Kruk's tripe on Sportscenter last night. It's one thing for a dufus ballplayer best known for having a testicle removed coming up with lame ass trade scenarios. But for a former major league general manager? One who worked in New York, of all places? An analyist we are supposed to take seriously? Unlike Kruk, who no one takes seriously, and is better used as comedy relief. I'm flabbergasted, to put it mildly.

Mention Zumaya in a trade package for someone along the lines of Bobby Abreu, and I'll at least listen. The Tigers need a left hand stick more than another starter. I'm not sure I make that trade, but I don't dismiss it as lunatic ravings. It would make sense, in that Abreu is still an impact player. But Smoltz? What do you get out of him in the not so long term? Maybe 2 years, max? Comapred to a decade plus of Zumaya? Dave Dombrowski unloading Zumaya for pennies on the dollar would put him FIRE MILLEN territory.

Zumaya for Smoltz has Smoltz for Doyle Alexander written all over it. Even then, I won't ridiclue the Tigers for making the Alexander trade, as the young Smoltz was an unproven minor league prospect in 1987. But trading a pitcher like Zumaya, who has HUGE upside, and has already established himself as a major leaguer, for an aging pitcher? That's a trade I would ridicule.

Why don't these so called experts do just a modicum of research? The Tigers have minor league prospects that they would be much more likely to trade, players that other teams would have interest in aquiring. Say, Humberto Sanchez, Jordan Tata, Jair Jurrjens, to name a few solid prospects off the top of my head. No way Dave Dombrowski trades any major pieces off of the Tiger roster, unless it's for an impact player that will be around for more that a year or two.

Say, someone like...Bobby Abreu. Even Carl Crawford. But as I said, even for an impact position player, I would definitely take more than a small pause before touching the young core.

The bobble heads at the Worldwide Leader should be talking about more realistic aquisitions than a longshot such as Smoltz, or the newspaper rumors that swirl around Abreu and Crawford. Names like Aubrey Huff, Matt Stairs, and Jeromy Burnitz are much more realistic.

Let's consider the Zumaya for Smoltz subject, CLOSED.

"Gum Time" mania is running wild

The Tigers rally chew phenomena is now mentioned in the Wikipedia...


Speaking of such, Detroit has a new member of the local sports blogosphere.

Nate Robertson explains this generation's version of "Bless You Boys," the rallying cry known as "Gum Time," in his new blog. Inexplicably, the blog is named, Nate Robertson's Gum Time.

I expect to see "Jim Leyland's Cigarette Diaries" anytime now.

You kids out there, in case you didn't know...

...this is what a baseball season is supposed to be like. Scintillating, ain't it?

Clutch base hits. Nail biting at bats. Every pitch meaning something. Role players coming through. Second guessing strategy. Watching the out of town scores. Obsessively reading over the standings. Constantly checking the latest rumors to see who may be available at the trading deadline. It's something we haven't seen in close to 2 decades.


For those of you too young to remember a true contending baseball team the D (It's been since 1988), I have one thing to tell you. This is nothing. It's only June. We're only scratching the surface. If the Tigers stay the course, and it's looking more and more as if they will, it's going to get even more thrilling. More than you would ever realize.

You think this last weekend, with the sweep of the Cards and the last inning heroics, was exciting? It damn sure was. But just wait till the Tigers are playing games like those in August and September, neck and neck with the Sox for the division lead, let alone factoring in the wild card race. It'll be life and death. Stomach ulcers will form. Mood swings will become commonplace. Detroit will come to a stop on game nights.

The regular seasons of basketball and hockey mean next to nothing. Teams take games off regularly, especially after those 4 games in 6 nights road trips. Football is a whole different animal, as there are so few games, but since every team will go 8-8, what's the difference? Anyway, those 3 sports are all about the playoffs. That's when things ratchet up a notch.

But none of the big time sports have regular seasons that can compare to baseball. Teams can't slack off, as they do in basketball and hockey. When your team is in the hunt, the pennant race will ratchet up a notch in August, then again in September. There is nothing, and I repeat, NOTHING, more all consuming than a baseball pennant race.

Spetember baseball + Playoff spot at stake - Lions angst = Fan nirvana.

As someone who has lived thru a pennant race or three, I'm warning you young'uns now. Get your affairs in order. Let the significant know that you will be immcomunicado. You won't be coming up for air till the 1st week of October.

The Tigers reminisce about the Alan Trammell years...

Marcus Thames: Tram! You hear me? You still think Higginson is better than me? HIGGINSON? Do you? Huh? Who's laughing now? Not you and Gibson. Bwahaaaaaa!!!

Pudge Rodriguez: You know the prima donna stuff Trammell and Gibby fell for? I tried it with the Marlboro Man, and you know what he said? "Barry Bonds tried that shit with me...once." Then I had to wipe tobacco spittle off of my face.

Jeremy Bonderman: You ever hear of taking out your pitcher before he gets into trouble? Cigarette Smoking Man has...

Marcus Thames: HAAAAHAAAAAHAAAA!

Joel Zumaya: Trammell. Trammell? Didn't he play left field for the Yankees? He sucked.

Todd Jones: He's not gay, so we're cool. Hope he landed on his non-gay feet.

Dmitri Young: Don't tell anyone, but I'm on the lam. No, not LAMB! Lam!

Curtis Granderson: He was the manager when I was up for a cup of coffee? Of the Detroit Tigers? Last year? I thought Mr. Rodriguez ran things. I could have swore that Trammell was just the clubhouse guy. I wondered why he wore a jersey. Who knew?

Magglio Ordóñez: Trammell? He didn't bother me, I was just here for the cash. And to piss off Ozzie.

Justin Verlander: He was the manager when I was up for a cup of coffee? Of the Detroit Tigers? Last year? I thought that guy who kept calling himself "Da Meat Hook" and "Dmeat" ran things. I could have swore that Trammell was just the clubhouse guy. I wondered why he wore a jersey. Who knew?

Marcus Thames: BWAAAAAHAAAAHAAAAAHAAAA!

Brandon Inge: Trammell was the manager for the past 3 seasons? Of the Detroit Tigers? You sure? I thought Kirk Gibson ran things. I could have swore that Trammell was just the clubhouse guy. I wondered why he wore a jersey. Who knew?

Craig Monroe: I don't know anything about no belt! Oh, Trammell? He's OK. Except when he asked about the belt.

Plácido Polanco: Trammell was the manager? Of the Detroit Tigers? Last year? You sure? When I was traded here, Dave Dombrowski told me that he ran things. I could have swore that Trammell was just the clubhouse guy. I wondered why he wore a jersey. Who knew?

Nate Robertson: What Bondy said. Like some gum?

Kenny Rogers: Trammell? Was he a cameraman? If he wasn't carrying a camera, I wasn't paying attention.

Jamie Walker: As long as there are cold Buds in the clubhouse after the game, for all I care, the ghost of Mike Ilitch could be the manager. He's not dead? My bad. But between you and me, I thought Lance Parrish ran things. Now lets go pound a couple of cold ones...

Marcus Thames: TRAM! TRAM! You listening? You know what? I'm batting 3rd! I have an OPS of 1.032! I'm slugging .655! I have a question for you. What's Higginson hitting? On strippers! That's funny stuff. Really. Ha! HAAA! BWAHAAAA!

FIRE BRUCE ARENA! FIRE BRUCE ARENA!

I hear Arena is a coach of some renown in some obscure sport. Still, I think that Bruce Arena should be given the ziggy. ASAP! Why? Uhhh...Hmmm...Um...Because?

Honestly, I have several reasons. Let me go in depth...

• I'm told by reliable sources that the USA was eliminated from the World Cup.
• Those reliable sources tell me the USA only scored 2 goals in 3 games.
• The US soccer media, all 10 of them, says the above is all Arena's fault.
• We're the USA, and we're not supposed to lose at anything.
• It's easier to fire the coach than replace the players. Even soccer players...
• It'll give the Worldwide Leader one less subject to run into the ground.
• Because I can jump on a firing bandwagon just as quickly as a Millen era Lions fan.

FIRE MILLEN ARENA! I guess...

I have a couple of beefs...

Edit: 10:45 am, 6/22/06. Armchair GM asked me to post this rant as an opinion piece, as Ozzie Guillen stirs the conversational pot. So what follows below is the cleaned up (For spelling and grammar) version that appears there.

I know I brought this up in passing last night...But after watching the so-called Wordwide Leader Tuesday night, disgusting is the only word I can use to descibe Tim Legler and Greg Anthony, in regard to their heaping praise upon Alonzo Mourning during the Worldswide Leader's NBA Finals postgame. They insist on calling the quitter an inspirational player, and soooo deserving of a ring. Same goes for John Hollinger's Mourning puff piece on the WWLiS dot com. He's inspirational? Only to Vince Carter and Kenyon Martin.

Maybe the lunkheads at the Worldwide Leader should try bringing up Mourning to the front offices and fans of both the New Jersey Nets and Totonto Raptors. Mourning bent both franchises over and treated them as Schillenger did Beecher on "Oz." I'm often stunned as to how short the MSM's memory is when an ahtlete's ugly past gets in the way of what they believe is a feel good story.

You see the media gloss over nasty bits all the time, just to have that warm and fuzzy story. Vince Carter? It never comes up that he dicked over the Raptors. Now he's a great teammate who plays at an all-star level with the Nets. Kirby Puckett? The media convienently ignored his post baseball antics in his obituaries. Kobe Bryant? Let's not even go there. Knowing all this, watching Legler and Anthony suck up to another in a long line of jocks who play hard only when it fits their needs put me in a slow burn.

Ozzie Guillen is trash. A bully. Has chronic diarrhea of the mouth. Another Billy Martin waiting to happen. It really tells you something about the ChiSox fanbase in that they love the guy, and defend him well beyond reason. Which seems to be happening on a weekly basis at this point. So...I'm sure you're all aware of the latest Guillen foot in mouth incident which involves columnist Jay Mariotti.

First off, I think Mariotti is a hack, and cluelessly grating to boot. Viewing 5 minutes of the WWLiS "Around the Horn" would convince anyone of that. His schtick didn't go over here in Detroit, and Marriotti and his column were run out on a rail in the early 80's. I'd have no problem if Guillen called Mariotti out on his writing. But Guillen to slur both Mariotti and gays in the same sentence? In front of a gaggle of reporters? Quite a feat, even for the loudmouthed Guillen. But bring the latest offense up to a ChiSox fan or the Sox front office though, and you'll hear that it's just "Ozzie being Ozzie."

Was it Ozzie being Ozzie when he called Sparky Anderson a horseshit manager? Humiliating Sean Tracey in public, then sending his emasculated ass to the minors? Equating gays to child molesters? Confront Guillen on his utter lack of self control, and he always falls back on the lame excuse that it's "Different" in Venezuela. Strange logic, considering he's lived and worked in the states for his entire adult life. Then he goes merrily on his way, looking to disgrace the White Sox even further.

Despite all that, Guillen could spit on Michael Jordan, anal rape Mike Ditka, and piss on the grave of Walter Payton, and you know what the city of Chicago would say? "It's just Ozzie being Ozzie." Well, they'll say it till he has his first losing season...

I hope beyond hope that the Tigers beat out Chicago for the central division crown, if only to shut up the White Sox and their fan base. They give baseball a black eye.

Quick thoughts on the NBA Finals

The Mavericks' season is on the line. Down 3, 26 seconds left, and Dallas has Eric Dampier actually touch the ball? On a play that requires him to set a pick, break for the basket, and catch the ball, all while on the move? What...The...Hell? Personally, I wouldn't have had a stiff like Dampier in the arena, let alone on the floor. Why on earth wouldn't Avery Johnson have Nowitski or Terry take the shot? I know Nowitski made the pass, but I'd rather have the game in his hands than in the stone hands of Eric f'n Dampier. Dumb, dumb, dumb. It bears repeating, dumb, dumb, dumb.

I know that the Mavs had a chance to tie the game at the end of regulation, but the game spun out of control due to that strange play call.

I'll say this about Mark Cuban. He's a Hell of a good owner, and he's a fan of the game. I have absolutely no problem with his histronics. Why? Because I realize that if I was a billionaire who owned a team, I'd act exactly the same damn way as Cuban. Insane. One thing though...I'd try to dress nicer and have a better hair cut.

I find the NBA champion Miami Heat to be an extremely unlikable team, save for Shaq and Dwayne Wade. Honestly, it's a damn shame that the following asshats have rings...

Alonzo Mourning, who quit on both the Nets and Raptors, forcing a trade and an then an outright release, and made a shit load of guaranteed money in the process. Where do you think Vince Carter learned how to quit on a team? Every shot block requires Mourning to flex, preen, scream, and point attention to himself.

Jason Williams, a rascist homophobe redneck. Remember his run in with an Asian fan in Sacramento? Straight from White Chocolate's not so literate mouth..."Are you gay? Are you a fag?" "I will shoot all you Asian motherfuckers!" "Do you remember the Vietnam War, I’ll kill y'all just like that. Just like Pearl Harbor, do you remember that?" A rocket scientist, he is not.

Antoine Walker, who never saw a shot he didn't like, or a defense he would play. The strutting down the floor while shimmying his shoulders is one of the most annoying showboat moves ever. Celtics fans have to be wondering why it took Walker 11 seasons before he decided to play team ball as a complimentary player, rather than be the me-me-me first player he was in Boston.

The opportunist that is Pat Riley, who unceremoniously threw Stan Van Gundy under the bus with no shame, while using an unbelievable explanation. Think Van Gundy will be happy with getting a ring? I expect to see his turn up on Ebay.

The NBA, it's fantastic the home of horrific officiating, unlikable players, playoffs that last longer than the reign of the Roman Empire, teams that throw games to better their draft status, the Worldwide Leader's cluelessness, and Stephen A. Smith's 120 db "Expert" analysis.

If all this sounds like sour grapes coming from a Pistons fan, you're quite observant...

John Kruk: Idiot savant, or just an idiot?

I'm sure we've all heard by now the rumors regarding Atlanta's John Smoltz. Smoltz was interivewed on Sunday Night Baseball, and said he would be open to a trade, specifically mentioning the Tigers.

On Monday, during the Worldwide Leader in Sports' "Basball Tonight," notable baseball sooper genius John Kruk was all over this rumor, like...John Kruk at an all you can eat buffet. The Krukster, summoning all of his massive baseball intellect, came up with a trade, suggesting the Tigers should send the Braves fireballing bullpen prodigy Joel Zumaya for Smoltz. I almost expected him to sweeten the deal by adding Justin Verlander to the trade. The man is nothing but brilliant!


So in that vein, here are some other roster and lineup moves the Krukster suggests the Tigers make for a playoff stretch run...

Jeremy Bonderman to the Giants for Barry Bonds and his media entourage.

Curtis Granderson to the Yankees for Bubba Crosby.

Justin Verlander to the Red Sox for Wally, the Green Monster.

Chris Shelton and Craig Monroe to the White Sox for a brand spanking new batting tee.

Extend Magglio Ordonez's contract another 7 years.

Pick up Jason Grimsley, and his list of HGH suppliers, off of waivers, and name him as the new closer and assistant trainer.

Convince Sammy Sosa to end his retirement to become the DH and clubhouse leader. If Sosa isn't available, Juan Gone is still playing in the independent leagues. Put the 7 year 144 million dollar contract offer back on the table and get Juan Gonzalez signed!

Cut Kenny Rogers, pitcher, and replace him in the rotation with Kenny Rogers, chicken roaster mogul. Mmmmm, roasted chicken...

No need to add a left handed bat, just play Alexis Gomez more.

You can never have enough bullpen arms, so break Uggie Urbina out of Venezuelan PMITA prison. Just use the FOX documentary "Prison Break" for escape ideas.

Keep Todd Jones.

With ideas such as these, I expect the Krukster to be running a MLB team next season. If fuctionally retarded Matt Millen can find front office work, why not the just as brilliant John Kruk?

Was Len Bias a basketball Jesus?

It's the 20th anniversary of Len Bias' death. From reading all the gushing praise, you'd think he was going to be the next coming. The next Jordan. The next great Celtic. Instead, if you believe everything you read, Bias ended up a Basketball Jesus who died for all of our sins.

Please. Bias was a kid who pissed away a considerably bright future by shoving a mountain of coke up his nose and OD'ing. Nothing more. Not exactly messiah like.

It's an overwhelming American Tragedy for those of us of a certain age.

That's an exact quote from Michael Wilbon's 6/19 column in the Washington Post. Wilbon is normally a writer I think is spot on. But I guess I'm not of a certain age. Bias OD'ing is far from a tragedy. The Marshall football and US Figure Skating teams plane crashes in the 60's were utter tragedies. Darryl Kile passing away in the prime of his life due to an undiagnosed heart aliment is a tragedy. Chuck Hughes dying on the field is a tragedy.

A 22 year old who partied too much and managed to off himself before he could suit up with Larry Legend is not tragic. It's a waste. It's stupid. It's a shame. It's sad. It's a fastlane to martyrdom. But it sure as hell isn't tragic.

Along with the praise of Bias' hoop skills, you have writers playing the "What if" game. Wilbon plays it with gusto...

Ever since, we've been forced to wonder: Would the Celtics have remained a force with Bias in uniform? Wouldn't he have added years to the basketball lives of Bird and Kevin McHale and ultimately succeeded them as the next franchise player and face of the Boston Celtics? How many of the four titles won by the Pistons and Lakers in the late 1980s would they have won had Bias lived? How many of the Bulls' six titles would they have won if Bias had lived? Would Jordan have had the rival and true equal many of us suspect Bias would have been? Can you miss if Bird and Magic swear to your potential greatness at 22?

Talk about going over the top. Wilbon is suggesting that Bias could have changed NBA history as we know it. Well, I can play "What if" too. Bias may not have lived up to the hype and been the the next Harold Miner, aka Baby Jordan. Bias could have continued to do coke while in the NBA and become the next Roy Tarpley. He could have torn up his knee like Benard King, and had his skills taken away. Who truly knows? I don't, and the mainstream writers don't, either.

The cult of Len Bias is much like the cult of James Dean. Even though he only starred in 3 films, Dean's legend has only grown over time. Much of what is said about James Dean is in regard to his potential to become an acting great. But we all realize that there are no guarantees. For all anyone knows, if he had lived, 10 years after starring in "Rebel Without a Cause," Dean could have been guest starring in grade B TV shows, like his Rebel co-star, Sal Mineo. That's how fickle entertainment, and basketball is entertainment as well, can be. So saying that Bias would have been the next great hall of fame player is being generous to his legacy.

Would the death of Bias be as resonant today if he wasn't a Celtic first round draft pick? Probably not. But it makes for good stories, in regardd to the idea that Bias' shuffling off this mortal coil was the first step in the downfall of the Celtics dynasty. But you'd also be ignoring the Rick Pitino era, bad trades, worse drafts, horrible free agent signings, questionable front office decisions, and the death of Reggie Lewis as biggger reasons to blame for the decline of the Celtics. It was much more than just Len Bias passing.

I remember when I heard Len Bias died. I wasn't a middle or high schooler, or in college, unlike many of those I've read sing Bias' praises. Supposedly, his death scared a generation away from the so-called "Hell of a drug" that is coke. I had long ago been exposed to what coke could do, and didn't need to be scared straight. For someone that was a little older and had been around the block a couple of times, I thought that Len Bias' death was just another example of athlete excess.

Bias isn't a martyr to me. He's just a dumb, naive kid that fucked up.

The NBA, it's Wusstastic!

The pussification of the NBA is now complete.

Jerry Stackhouse was suspended for game 5 of the NBA Finals for his "Flagrant" foul on Shaquille O'Neal. Flagrant, my ass. I've seen much harder fouls in a rec league game.


Stackhouse is listed at being 6'6" and 218. Shaq is 7'1" and unbelievably listed at a laughable 325. Not exactly a fair fight, so to speak. The disparaity in size didn't keep Stackhouse from making a play. Stack was not going to allow a breakaway layup to the Diesel, and as he should have, took him out, hard. Shaq shrugged the foul off as no big deal, saying after the game, "My daughters tackle me harder when I come home." When you think about it, Shaq hits defenders damn near as hard when he puts his shoulder down and makes one of his bum rushes to the basket. Just ask Ben Wallace.

What Stackhouse did was commit a hard, but legitimate, foul in the heat of an important game. It wasn't a cheap shot, Stack didn't take the Big Aristotle out low, or hit him in the head. Just a body on body hit. Unfortunately, Stackhouse didn't make a play on the ball, which is what has the NBA's panties in a bunch.

Anyone who has played at any level was taught that you never give up an easy layup. No way, no how. Stack's foul was wasn't anything that long time NBA fans, especially here in Detroit, haven't seen before. Not all that long ago, hard fouls like that were seen on a nightly basis. The whole so-called controversy should have ended right there on the court, with a personal foul called on Stack, and Shaq going to the line.

But David Stern and the rest of the politically correct lackeys in the NBA offices saw the play differently from the rest of us. Using tunnelvision and their PC minds, the NBA powers that be saw a thug take out one of the NBA's meal tickets. A strange way to see it, considering Stack has no history of that style of play.

In today's "Breathe heavily on an offensive player, let alone lay a finger on them, and you've committed a foul" NBA, the physicality of basketball is being refereed out, thanks to Stern and his lapdogs. The laissez-faire defensive style of today's NBA sure isn't the basketball I was taught to play, let alone watched during 1980's golden era of the association.

Let's just make the players wear skirts, give them an orange and white ball, and change the name of the league to the WNBA. Kobe Bryant already wears tights, so we're halfway there anyway.

You think former players like Bill Laimbeer, Charles Oakley, Rick Mahorn, and Jeff Ruland, to name just a few, are wondering what in the Hell happened to the man's game they once played? In their day, you went into the paint at your own risk. Today, the paint is a considered a thruway to the hoop, and any disruption while strolling to the hoop draws a whistle.

Basketball, despite what the NBA would like you to believe, is a contact sport. Hoops always has been, and should always be, about being tougher than the other team. Now, I'm not so sure...

A quick shout out...

Abel to Yzerman has highlighted TWFE as their "Featured Michigan Blog" this week. Wow, actual people read my rants? Will wonders never cease?

I'm sure most local bloggers are very much aware of AtoY. But if you are not, take some time to check out Abel to Yzerman. It's your one stop shop for all things Wings. In my somewhat lucid mind, it's the best Detroit Red Wings blog on that thing we call the internets...

TWFE to the Tiger Stadium Fan Club: Shut the hell up already!

Word is that we'll know very soon as to what's in store for Tiger Stadium. Kwame and the city are supposed to announce their plan within the next couple of weeks. I'll bet you dollars to donuts that the plan involves dynamite, wrecking balls, and land being offered for retail development.

It's about time.


I loved the old ballyard, but it was out of date 20 years before it was closed. I had a very good friend who worked at the stadium in the mid-late 80's, and he had all access. He could access the concession stands, press box, clubhouse, storage areas, everywhere but the Tiger offices. I witnessed first hand how horrific the stadium infrastructure had become. Tiger Stadium, still a sight for sore eyes in the stands, was just an eyesore deep within. It was a great place to visit, but not a nice place to work. Not for the ballplayers, Tiger employees, media, or concession people.

Could things have been done to improve Tiger Stadium, possibly increase it's usable lifespan for an another decade or two? Maybe, but we all know that the Tigers were angling for a new stadium, so those improvements were never going to happen. Was allowing the stadium to decay the best thing to do? That could be debated. But we did end up with, flawed as it may be, a jewel of a new stadium.

Time has run out. We know that there will be no white knight coming to save the day. Considering what would be needed, it was unrealistic to think that something could be done with the rusted hulk. There is no plausable plan to ressurect the corner, and more importantly, no one has come forward with the gazllions needed to refurb it.

Unfortunately with projects like these, there are squeaky wheels, and they want grease... In this case, it's the Tiger Stadium Fan Club.

Given the destruction of Tiger Stadium is inevitable, why does the media continue to insist on trotting on the Don Quixotes of Detroit, the Tiger Stadium Fan Club (I'll refer to them as TSFC), every time there is news regarding the stadium? The TSFC was cute once upon a time. Then they became just tolerable. Now they just come off as progress impeding cranks.

Get over it. You hugged the stadium, and continued from there to get more attention than you probably deserved. You fought a good fight, even if it was one that you were never going to win. It's over, you lost, it's time to move on.

But they continue to tilt at rotting stadiums. I saw a TSFC representative on WDIV's Local 4 news tonight, and what he said was mind blowingly asinine. And just what did this self-styled Norman Einstein have to say?

"And the best we can do is put up a row of shops, a Rite-Aid pharmacy perhaps, and some housing on top of that?"

Did I hear Norman correctly? New housing and stores in Corktown? That's a BAD thing in their minds? Don't they have even a semblance of a clue? Let's see, what choices do we have? Either continue to grasp at straws in regard to pie in the sky plans that will never happen, or knock the SOB down, and build something that could increase the tax base while helping the citizens of Detroit. Lord knows, they could use a little.

I'm not saying that the city of Detroit is efficient making a decision. Look at the current Book Cadillac fiasco. Hell, it's only taken 7 damn years to get to this point with Tiger Stadium. But they are finally going to make that decision, and that will be to blow the old girl up.

Every city has been thru this, but without all the damn drama. Comiskey Park. The Polo Grounds. Ebbets Field. Memorial Stadium. Crosley Field. Busch Stadium. Riverfront Stadium. Veterans Stadium. I could go on... They are not forgotten, but all are gone.

The TSFC needs to realize that you can't stop progress, and in this instance, progress is for the better. Much better.

Todd Jones is the antichrist

Word of warning, I'm going to commence beating a dead horse. Repeatedly...

I was laying low, not planning on posting today. Unfortunately, around 10pm tonight, Todd Jones came in to pitch for the boys wearing the Olde English D. Following are my exact thoughts as Jones first enters the game, and after Jones gives up the lead.

Oh dear Lord Jesus, this ain't happening, man...This can't be happening, man! This isn't happening!


That's it man, game over man, game over! What the fuck are we gonna do now? What are we gonna do?

The jarhead in "Aliens" perfectly sums up my feelings as to Todd Jones remaining the Tigers' closer.

The Rollercoater blew up in the 12th innng tonight, giving up 4 runs to the God damn Devil Rays. The God Damn Tampa Bay Devil Rays. A team that couldn't hit their way out of a Tee-ball league. But who needs a batting tee when you have Todd Jones pitching?

FSD had the mikes up, and you could hear that the crowd was not very happy with Mr. Jones' performance. "You suck" being the most family friendly term used.

We have a bullpen situation in Detroit. The Tigers have 2 late inning pitchers that are out performing the Rollercoaster by a wide margin. A WIDE MARGIN. Todd Jones, the designated closer, he of the 12 million over 2 years, the man Jim Leyland says he still has confidence in, now has an ERA of 7.27. That's not a typo. Seven two seven.

Might as well be 666.

I have praised Jim Leyland to no end. He deserves all the credit and kudos he has been receiving, no question. But how long will his stubborn streak, and the Marlboro Man has a wide one, allow a pitcher who is better suited to pitching home run derby, to instead close out games?

What makes it worse on the fans is that we all saw Joel Zumaya literally blowing Tampa batters away. 5 K's in 2 innings, 'nuff said. Which brings up an important question. If a contending team like Boston is comfortable with rookie Jonathan Papelbon closing, why won't the Tigers powers that be make the move to either Fernando Rodney or Zumaya? They have more than proven themselves. It's a legitimate question, and one that deserves answering.

I don't want to hear that they believe he'll pitch his way out of it. He obviously hasn't been able to do so up to this point. If that is what they want the Rollercoaster to do, then have him pitch thru it in middle damn relief, not when games hang in the balance.

I know you can't win every game. The Tigers had their opportunities tonight, but couldn't capitalize on them. But the game was not over...Till Todd Jones came in.

So I have to ask the Tigers this one thing. When you have an arsonist a so-called fireman who plays with fire, rather than put them out, why do you continually allow yourself to get burned?

Off topic Tuesday: Today's music blows, I'm getting old, and you kids get off my lawn!

I was over at The Hangout, the new message board over at KA.com, and there was a thread asking,"What are you currently listening to?" As there isn't much happenng on the Detroit sports scene (How many times can I bitch about Todd Jones before it gets redundant?), I thought I'd expound upon the thoughts I gave over there...

I used to follow music the way I still follow sports. I got hooked on rock radio as a kid, as my mom was a religous CKLW (Back in "The Big 8" days) listener. I discovered FM radio and the album oriented rock stations in the D when I was 12 or so (WRIF, W4, WABX), and a whole new world was opened up to these virgin ears. I jumped in with both feet, and never looked back.

I read all the music rags. Hit Parader sucked, Rolling Stone was OK, if more than a touch elitest, but I loved the Detroit based Creem magazine. I bought vinyl and 8 tracks the first day an album hit the streets, AOR was all over the radio dial and became the soundtrack of my life, and I went to tons of shows. If someone I heard on the radio was coming to play Cobo, I was there. Remember D.R.E.A.D. cards? I was a proud card carrying member of "Detroit Rockers Engaged in the Abolition of Disco."

Then we had the golden age of MTV, which exposed me to more cool music. I spent the 80's expanding my boundries even further away from my arena rock roots. The first time you hear bands like the Clash and the Ramones, it's a life changing experience.

But something happened thru the years. MTV turned into a lifestyle channel. FM radio began narrowcasting, placing music in predetermined niches, and turning off listeners in droves. The record industry made me buy the same music over and over, in at least 5 different formats. (Vinyl, 8 track, casette, CD, digital) I found that as I got older, I didn't have the time or the inclination to find the lastest and greatest in music. Worst of all, songs by great bands like AC/DC, the Clash, the Rolling Stones, the Beatles, and Led Zeppelin, to name just a few, are being used, not as anthems, but to sell crap to an aging population. You tend to become disillusioned when you hear "London Calling" used to pimp Jaguars.

The last era where I actively bought music was early 90's grunge. When you think about it, that was the last time true guitar based rock 'n roll ruled the pop culture landscape. Then Kurt Cobain had to go and kill himself, Eddie Vedder spent more time railing against Ticketmaster than making good music, the bands I had followed thru the years began to get old and less active/vital, rap and teen pop took center stage, and my tastes in music began to stagnate. Or maybe the music industry just plain moved on as it always had, but this time without me.

There has been some interest since then but it's been sporatic at best. I'll attend a concert, but it has to be someone special, at least to me. I still occasionally buy music, but it tends to be greatest hits packages. When I download, 90-95% is from grunge era on back. I tried to read Pitchfork, but to me, the reviews come off as being written by pretentious hipster doofuses who think they are too cool for the room.

For that matter, I have no idea who's on the charts, and I don't feel like I'm missing much. For example, here's this weeks top 10 on the Billboard album chart.

1. Dixie Chicks - I know them more for their political views than their music.
2. "High School Musical" soundtrack - Disney? Tweens and teens have no taste in music anymore. I'd rather hear Louis Prima sing "I Wanna Be Like You" from "The Jungle Book."
3. Red Hot Chili Peppers - Somehow, someway, a decent band is on the charts. Probabably some sort of mistake on Billboard's part.
4. Rascal Flatts - Who? Aren't they a boy band for the country bumpkin crowd?
5. "American Idol Season 5" soundtrack - I've never watched AI or heard any of the songs that came out of it, and I'm proud of it. I have my standards...
6. "Now 21" singles package - They sold a Now 1-20? Who knew?
7. Tool - I know some of their stuff, again surprising to see a rock band this high.
8. Carrie Underwood - See #5. Who listens to this premanufactured pap?
9. James Blunt - The sensitive singer/songwriter thing was done better by James Taylor 30 years ago.
10. Shakira - Gesundheit!

Boy howdy, now I really feel old.

I think I'm going to fire up a 25 year old Robert Plant album (Pictures at Eleven), and revel in my total lack of hipness. When it comes to music, I try to live by what noted rock critic Homer Simpson so famously said...


"Why do you need new bands? Everyone knows rock attained perfection in 1974. It's a scientific fact."

Homer should know, he's a Grand Funk Railroad fan...

Odds & sods

Manny Legacy is no longer a Red Wing. Talk about a anti-climatic announcement. Once the Wings were unceremoniously dispached by the Oil, we all knew the Wings were going to scapgoat the goalie. It was a given that the Wings would go in another direction with their goalies. What direction that may be, be it crazy ass lunatic Eddie Belfour, a goalie who has never sniffed the playoffs, Roberto Luongo, the goalie who if you can't beat 'em, sign 'em, JS Giguere, the kid who is the Red Wing goalie of the (distant) future, Jimmy Howard, or a goalie off the street to be named later, is yet to be determined. At least the Downriver puck bunnies will still have Chris Osgood to swoon over. Manny now belongs to a not quite so exclusive club, the "I didn't win in the playoffs so I'm no longer the Red Wings' goalie" brotherhood. I'm sure Bob Essensa, Curtis Joseph, Greg Stefan, and Tim Cheveldae, to name just a few, will welcome Manny with open 5 holes.

The US soccer team was smoked 3 ways from Sunday by the Czech Republic in the World Cup today, 3-0. I'll admit to you, I'm not a soccer fan. I grew up in an era where all 7 year olds played baseball, the game of the USA, a game where if you weren't good enough, you either sat on the bench or played right field. We didn't play soccer, the game of the Godless communists and socialists, where any kid with a pulse is allowed to play. In other words, I grew up in the 70's, before soccer moms became all the rage. But I thought I'd give the World Cup a chance, as there has to be something to a tournament that causes those Godless commies and socialists, along with the rest of the world, to come to a complete stop. After hearing all the talk that the US has bridged the talent gap in international soccer, I was saddened to see that, at least going by today's result, that the talk was nothing but hype. Even a soccer neophyte as myself could see the huge talent difference between ourselves and the Czechs. Even worse was that team red, white, and blue appeared to be out hustled. All I can say is that if team USA gives a similar lax effort against the Italians on Saturday, for all intents and purposes, the World Cup will be over and so will the interest from casual fans. US soccer will have shot itself, not in the foot, but in the head, allowing soccer to be ignored for another 4 years.

There were some matches over the weekend that were pretty darn entertaining. But one thing bothered me to no end. I know this has been brought up time and time again, but the shamelessly blatant diving drives me absolutely f'n crazy. I find the over the top histronics from someone who was basically kicked in the shin to be insulting. Disgusting might even be a better word. After writhing around of the pitch for what seems like several minutes, a stretcher is brought out? What the Hell? Pro wrestlers have nothing on these guys. I know they are trying to draw a penalty, but it goes against all I was taught when I played competive sports. You left the field under your own power, unless you were knocked unconcious or parts of body your body looked like Joe Theisman's leg. Rub some dirt on it, then walk it off. For someone who was born and raised on North American sports, the diving (And the Oscar worthy acting) is umseemly at best, and revolting at worst.

To paraphrase Bobby Boucher's momma, Todd Jones is de debil.

Does it make me a bad sports fan if I admit that I've been paying very little attention to the NHL Stanley Cup finals? Unfortunately for the NHL, if I have a choice between the NBA finals, the Tiger game, or the NHL on the tube, hockey comes in 3rd. Not that the NBA finals have been all that compelling...

I'm not for the government becoming a "Nanny state." I don't the government to dictate what's good for me. You shouldn't have to legislate common sense. So I see where the anti-helmet law motorcyclists are coming from. We have enough laws already. But...to willingly ride without wearing a brain bucket, to me anyway, is the height of stupidity. We all heard what happened to Ben Rothlesberger this morning. I feel for Big Ben, but I don't feel sorry for him. He should know better. I can't help but think that he had a death wish. Or a recessive Darwin gene.

The Tigers are slumping. TWFE is here to help

The Tigers are in a rough patch, a slump, if you will. The American League Axis of Baseball Evil have had their way with our Motor City Kitties over the past 2 weeks. So, to help stem the losing tide, TWFE is here to give the Tigers praise, advice, suggestions, reminders, and a swift kick in the proverbial ass, anything to help get the Tigers out of their current tailspin.

Guys, please take heed of my thoughts. In other words....Read it...Learn it...Live it.

Placido Polanco: I doubt your contract pays you by the swing. In case you didn't know, the rules of baseball say that you are allowed to take the occasional pitch. You never heard, "Walk's as good as a hit?"

Brandon Inge: The power you've shown is nice, but you are turning into Rob F'n Deer. You aren't playing home run derby. Sometimes, a single will work just fine.

Craig Monroe: You see what I said about Inge? Same goes for you. In case the 2 of you were wondering, OBP doesn't stand for Oh Boy, Peanuts!

Chris Shelton: Keep it up and you'll find yourself turning into the next Brandon Inge. Remember, the high fastball is a sucker pitch.

Pudge Rodriguez: When did you turn into a banjo hitter? What happened to the 25-30 home run power? Oh yeah, when you went on a diet...

Magglio Ordonez: I didn't realize how good a ballplayer you actually were till you finally got healthy this season. I just hope this is the Maggs we will see for the next 25 years, or however long your contract runs.

Curtis Granderson: As Billy Joel sung, "I could not love you any better, I love you just the way you are..." In a manly way, of course...

Carlos Guillen: Considering you're an All-Star level SS when you manage to stay healthy, I suggest that whenever you are not on the diamond, you do not do anything. Not. A. Thing. Move very slowly and deliberately, OK?

Alexis Gomez: Next time Jim Leyland asks you to go into a game, just say no.

Marcus Thames: I really like how you've been swinging the bat. Just a note to keep in mind though, feel free to hit a home run with someone on base. You cool with that?

Ramon Santiago: In case you weren't clear on the rules of the game, I have a tip. That white sphere that gets thrown toward you? You're supposed to hit it with that piece of lumber in your hand.

Omar Infante: I have no complaints, you are doing exactly what the Tigers need you to do. Fill in ably in the field, and hit when you do play. One thing, though. Please do me a solid, and remind Jim Leyland that you are not a number 3 hitter.

Vance Wilson: Keep hitting your weight, that's all I ask. So, you could gain 20 pounds or so?

Kenny Rogers: You've been a great pick up for the Tigers. A relative bargain too, especially when compared to A.J. Burnett. But could you let us know what Kenny Rogers we'll see after the All-Star break? As a professional courtesy, if you plan to pitch like the man who sang "Ruby, Don't Take Your Love to Town" rather than the Kenny Rogers we currently see, I think Dave Dombrowski would like to know ahead of time.

Jeremy Bonderman: Consistentcy. It's a good thing. I'm just sayin'.

Nate Robertson: Love the rally gum thing. You've exceeded all expectations on the mound. Just don't go mouthing off about how well you pitched, even though you lost.

Mike Maroth: My condolences. Hope to see you in September.

Justin Verlander: You're an ace in waiting. I just ask one thing of you. When you say your shoulder felt "Tender" after one of your starts, please make sure you add that it's normal soreness. Otherwise, be aware that you may just cause the Tiger fanbase, in masse, to take a long walk off of a short pier. You're that important to the future of the franchise.

Ramon Colon: I'm sorry that you didn't keep Maroth's spot in the rotation. But to paraphrase Judge Smails, the world needs long relievers too.

Zach Miner: I think you had it backwards. You're supposed to get ahead in the count. Remember that in your next start, or you'll get the Judge Smails speech as well.

Jason Grilli: You're on the roster? Sorry dude, I didn't realize....

Bobby Seay: You too?

Jamie Walker: Your stats always look good. So why am I so nervous when you pitch? Oh yeah, it's those damn pesky inherited runners that tend to score. Stop doing that, OK?

Fernando Rodney: Despite the dinger you gave up the other night, you should be the closer. So I need to ask. Did you did something to so piss off the Marlboro Man, that it's causing him to keep you as the setup man? If that's true, please apologize, ASAP.

Joel Zumaya: Sing along with me! Zoom, zoom, zoom! Zoom zoom zoom zoom...zoom zoom! I swear, one of these days, one of your fastballs will break the sound barrier.

Todd Jones: You know the old platitude, don't you? "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all?" .................

Dmitri Young: Since WDFN reported that you've entred rehab today, all I can say is thanks for the memories, and may your future buffet lines be short.

Now go kick some ChiSox ass, gentlemen!

An open letter to Dave Dombrowski

To: Dave Dombrowski, Detroit Tigers Grand Poobah
From: The Wayne Fontes Experience
Re: Lefties and Rollercoasters

Dear Dave,

The Tigers have been going just gangbusters. First place in the central, best record in the bigs, number 1 prospects dropping to your amateur draft slot, Jim Leyland smokin' cigs and kicking ass, the Tigers big guns staying relatively healthy. It's more than I would have asked for, even dreamed of, at the beginning of the season. Kudos to you.

As with any contending team, it's not all peaches and cream. There are holes that need fixing, and have stopgap patches instead. I can live with Brandon Inge at third and Craig Monroe in left. The bench is...well...thinner than we'd like. I realize that it may look like "The Gong Show" for a few weeks while you're attempting to replace Mike Maroth's spot in the rotation. I'll put up with Jim Leyland's sometimes unorthodox looking lineups and bullpen use, as he makes the correct move many more times than not. Those I can tolerate.

Unfortunately, there are a couple GLARING issues that have been nagging me for the last few weeks. Those issues have suddenly come to the forefront once the Tigers started playing the American League Axis of Baseball Evil, the Yankees, BoSox, and White Sox. And what are those issues, you ask?

Left handed bat with power.
Todd Jones closing.
Left handed bat with power.
Todd Jones closing.
Left handed bat with power.
Todd Jones closing.
Left handed bat with power.
Todd Jones closing.
Left handed bat with power.
Todd Jones closing.

Get the drift?

I'm not jumping off the bandwagon. The Tigers are good enough to, at the very least, stay in the wild card hunt. But expectations have changed. You need to be aggressive.

Jim Leyland has been oft quoted, "We need a left handed bat, not someone who bats left," and has called called the lefty situation "An obvious shortcoming." That bat sure would have come in handy last night, you think?

It's the first inning, the Tigers have Freddy Garcia on the ropes. 2 outs, based were juiced. Those bases were full because the Sox pitched around Carlos Guillen. Why? Batting behind Guillen was your latest left handed swinging call up, the retread that is Alexis Gomez. The result? A weak pop up to end the inning. Garcia lives to pitch another inning, the Tigers go on to lose a gut punch of a game. It's not the first time, and won't be the last, that the lack of left handed pop has bitten the Tigers on the ass.

The lack of balance in the lineup has been a thorn in the Tigers side all season. I know you'd like to plug the hole from within. You tried Jack Hannahan. He went 0 for the major leagues. We know the limitiations of Gomez, he's not the solution. The less we talk of your original pick for a big lefty stick, Dmitiri Young (Who's been big in the wrong ways, that being big at the buffet table and on the police blotter), the better. The only other left handed stick on the bench is the switch hitting Ramón Santiago, whose bat seems to have an aversion to touching cowhide.

I'm sure you are aware of the lefty need. Names are being bandied about. Jeromy Burnitz, Cliff Floyd, Aubrey Huff, J.T. Snow, Daryle Ward, Raúl Ibañez, Matt Stairs, to name just a few. Some would be better fits, some would be easier to obtain, some are best case scenario. Talk is that there will be a move by the trading deadline.

Waiting till the deadline, in my mind, would be too late. Be aggressive and make the move sooner, rather than later. That lefty bat is a glaring need, it's costing you games NOW, and will cost you games down the line. Let alone the competition for these players will just become more intense as the season progresses, as teams with more to offer address their needs.

I don't care if that bat turns out to be a DH type, a left fielder, or a corner infielder. It's offensive production and that gaping hole in the batting order that I'm worried about.

I'm not asking you to mortgage the future. But there is an opportunity to win now. Get Leyland the lineup flexibility, and lefty production he desperately needs. ASAP...

Now for the elephant in the room. The one all the fans see, but one you either refuse to, or won't admit, is there. You know that rollercoaster of a closer whom you signed to a 12 million, 2 year contract, Todd Jones? Well, to put it bluntly, he causes Tiger fans to die a little inside every time he pitches.

Sure, the Rollercoaster 16-18 in save opportunities. But even you have to realize that saves are an overrated stat. Let's do a comparison of 3 Tiger relievers, using the stats everyone agrees are the most important when evaluating the effectiveness of a pitcher. Earned run average, walks and hits per inning pitched, and batting average against.

1. 5.85 ERA, 1.55 WIHP, .329 BAA
2. 1.98 ERA, 0.99 WHIP, .132 BAA
3. 2.63 ERA, 1.13 WHIP, .189 BAA

Can you guess which stats belong to your closer? It's sure isn't #2 (Fernando Rodney), or #3 (Joel Zumaya). The Rollercoaster loses this stat matchup in a McGovern losing to Nixon style landslide. So why is he still closing? Is it the 2 and 12? The fact that he's a veteran? You like living dangerously? Just like to torture us? Please tell me, because I can't come up with a legit reason. Not using logic, anyway.

Do us all a favor and add a few years to my lifespan by demoting Jones. Jones can still be a useful pitcher. But he's not the best you have in the late innings. He's not in the long term future of the Tigers either. But you can say both in regard to Rodney and Zoom. So you'd be doing us all a favor if you talk to the Marlboro Man, and ask him do not have blind faith in the Rollercoaster, remind him that he has bullpen options. I know he's called Jones out in regard to the recent home run binge, and the 2 blown games. But Cigarette Smoking Man has to have a short leash with Jones. Very short...

I hate to see winnable games slip away. As well as the Tigers have played, the Sox are on their heels and not going anywhere. The Tribe are one hot streak away from catching both teams. And there is no guarantee that he Tigers will be able to beat out the Yanks or BoSox for the wild card.

We Tiger fans are desperate for a pennant race. I'd hate to see the team fall back to medocrity due to a couple of issues that are lingering, yet fixable. That's why you need to be proactive, Dave. That's all I'm asking. Be proactive.

Sincerely,

The Wayne Fontes Experience

Joe D wants to "Tweak" the roster, but will the tweaks include Ben Wallace?

Joe Dumars said today that the starting 5 plus 1, Rip Hamilton, Chauncey Billups, Tayshaun Prince, Rasheed Wallace, Ben Wallace, and Antonio McDyess will all be back next season. He just wants to tweak the roster, specifically add bench depth and scoring punch. Thinking about it, that's the same thing we heard after last season.

So, is Joe D just feeding us rhetoric? Why do I say that?


Because anything and everything that happens in the offseason will pivot around the Ben Wallace contract situation. Will he resign? If so, at what cost? If not, what direction do you take the roster?

Ben wants to get paid. Have the Brinks truck back up to his front door. Jump into a pile of cash like Scrooge McDuck. I'll admit Wallace deserves a nice contract, and that he's been relatively underpaid when compared to performnce. But Wallace will be 32 at the start of the season, and centers are notorious for beginning to decline in the their early 30's. Wallace's worth is based on his athleticism, energy, and freakish defensive ability. You also have to factor in he's undersized for the position, and thus his body has taken its fair share of abuse. When you take that into account, the Pistons have seen the best that Ben Wallace is ever going to give. He's plateaued, and if not already, soon to be on the downside as a player.

The queastion remains, does Joe Dumars break the bank to keep Ben Wallace?

Odds are, Wallace wants 4-5 years at 12-15 million per. As good as his one dimenson has been, should you mortgage the future for a one dimensional player? Will someone else offer him silly money? Wallace is easily the biggest name in free agency, so some team looking to make a splash just might.

Say Joe D bites the bullet and gives him BIG money. There goes your flexibility in being able to add bench depth. All the Pistons would have is the mid level exemption, nothing more. For that kind of money, you might get someone that could help, maybe a 2 or 3 that can score, but it'll be a crapshoot. Remember the Michael Finley sweepstakes? To get the slashing scorer they need, they'll need that money, plus lots more.

Trades would then be the best option to help the roster. So who do you trade? Unfortunately, it takes something to get something. Dale Davis? Get real. Carlos Delfino? It looks as if he wants out anyway, but he hasn't played, so there's no value there. Marcus Evans? Role playes won't get you much, if anything. Anyone else on the roster? Throw-ins to make contracts match up. For the Pistons to get anyone in value in trade, they'll have to break up the starting 5 plus 1. That'll take huge brass ones on Dumars' part to break up a lineup that won 64 games.

Let's go in the other direction, and say that Ben Wallace's demands are too rich for the Pistons' blood. Then what? A sign and trade? What are the odds that the Pistons strike lightening twice? We have to be honest, the Pistons got damn lucky on the Grant Hill sign and trade. No one, and I mean no one, thought that the Pistons got the best of the deal. Concensus was that the Pistons got a couple of role players in exchange for a superstar. 9 times out of 10, or more like 99 times out of 100, the team signing the established superstar gets the best of the deal. So replacing Ben Wallace thru a sign and trade is a longshot at best.

As for signing a free agent, as I said, Ben Wallace is the biggest name availavle. Anyone else would be a downgrade. Here's a list of the top (Top being used generously) available big men I found in 10 seconds of googling...

Al Harrington, PF, Atlanta
Chris Wilcox, PF, Seattle (Restricted)
Nene, PF/C, Denver (Restricted)
Drew Gooden, PF, Cleveland (Restricted)
Joel Przybilla, C, Portland
Nazr Mohammed, C, San Antonio
Reggie Evans, PF, Denver
Keith Van Horn, SF/PF, Dallas
Alonzo Mourning, C, Miami

Eww. That ain't pretty.

We've now determined that the Pistons are between a rock and a hard place. Their only real option to keep the team at it's current level is to somehow, someway compromise with Ben Wallace. There has to be a happy medium between the Pistons' need to have some cap flexibility, allowing them to add a couple of good bench players, and rewarding Ben Wallace for his being the main reason the Pistons rose from irrelavent to elite.

Is loyalty worth a few million less a season? Would the idea of staying on a team that could contend, with your help, for the next few seasons worth leaving a few bucks and a year or 2 on the table? That's the reasoning the Pistons are going to have to use with Wallace. Take somewhat less money, and retire in the D with your jersey in the rafters as a legendary Piston, or go for bigger money in another city, with expectaions to match.

You'll hear the usual names. Trade for Kevin Garnett. Sign Mike James. What about Al Harrington or Peja Stojakovic, would they be good fits? How much would it cost for Sam Cassell? Don't bother. I'm not even going to try and throw roster ideas around at this point. It would be an exercise in extreme futility. You can't extrapolate what the roster will look like till you know if Ben Wallace is staying, and if so, for how much money?

The Pistons and Ben Wallace need each other. But do both sides realize that, and do what's best for both sides? Once that is determined, one way or the other, then and only then can you decide where to take the Pistons roster. Till then, our best guesses are nothing more than hot air.

This isn't the result I expected

Miami Heat 95, Detroit Pistons 78

Read the numbers and weep.

Chauncey Billups: 3-14
Rip Hamlton: 12-28
Rasheed Wallace: 4-12
Tayshaun Prince: 3-9
Ben Wallace: 2-5
Tony Delk: 3-7
Antonio McDyess: 0-3
Lindsey Hunter: 0-3
27-81, 33%

Not exactly the offensive effort I expected in an eliminaton game.

An ugly loss. Pure and simple, a game the Pistons deserved to lose. Unfortunately, the Pistons are still broken, and it will take some major off season tweaks to fix them. It's much too soon and emotions are still too heated to think of what those tweaks may be. But the pot that is the Pistons roster and coaching staff needs to be stirred. Maybe vigorously.

As for tonight, I expected more, much more, especially on defense. But for the Heat to shoot 55% in a must win game? Shaq doing whatever he wanted in the paint? Jason Williams, of all people, shooting the lights out? Jason freaking Williams?! White damn chocolate? Huh? Where was the lock down defense we Pistons fans came to know and love? Something's not right.

The offense was once again stagnant. The Pistons reverted back to the bad habits we thought were corrected by their play in game 5. We thought we saw signs of the return of the motion offense that was so successful in the regular season. We thought wrong. Too much poundiing the ball on the wings or at the top of the key, which lead to starting plays with not enough time on the shot clock. That alone is hard to phathom. But seeing too much one on one play, constant attempts at isolation, and just plain missing wide open shots? Again, something's not right.

The Pistons looked like a tired team. Just plain gassed, mentally, physically, and emotionally. They tried to flip the switch, but they had nothing left to give. The Pistons met a team in the Heat that wanted it more, and didn't take games off. Maybe 4 years of deep playoff runs finally took its toll. I'm sure 4 years of having to constantly fight off elimination due to falling behind in nearly every series caught up with them. You can only climb out of so many holes before you finally dig 1 hole too many.

The season's over, ending without the title we all expected. Am I disappointed? Damn straight. Is the Pistons run as an elite team over? Hardly, especially if Joe Dumars pulls off some judicious off season moves. A team that wins 64 regular season games is not going to fall off the face of the NBA map anytime soon.

You can't take away what the core of this Pistons team has accomplished. 4 straight confrence finals. 2 NBA finals. 1 NBA title, and were just a few minutes from winning another. It was an unprecidented run, and fun as all get out to watch.

But lets not write the obituaries quite yet. The Pistons are still a contender, and should be for the forseeable future. In Joe I trust.

Unforunately, for the time being, we're left with more questions than answers in regard to why the sudden playoff collaspe. Is it Flip Saunders' fault, for letting the inmates run the asylum? Are the players and their sudden proclivity for finger ponting to blame? Could the hubris of the starting 5 be the problem, thinking they could win by just walking onto the floor? Did LeBron James and Dwayne Wade expose the Pistons' weaknesses, or maybe they were just too damn good? All of the above? None of the above?

Right now, I doubt any of us could say for sure. The collaspe was so sudden, so quick, that it caught us all off guard. It may take some time for before we can look back and see what caused the sudden fall from grace.

It was one hard fall.

I Hate Todd Jones

While tearing my hair out watching the Pistons miss shot after shot after shot, I tune in the Tiger game, hoping to see them close out a win over one of the east coast Axis of Baseball Evil, the BoSux. Instead, seeing 2 out 2 run dingers in the 9th inning tend to make one cranky.

Thanks a ton, Todd. You made a bad night worse.

Damn.

Pondering the Pistons and Heat

I'm not sure what more can be said about tonight's game between the Pistons and the Heat. We've heard it all in regard to this series. And you'll hear a little more from me. I've been pondering a few things at TWFE HQ...

On whom is the pressure actually on, on the Heat to finish off the Pistons, or on the Pistons to extend the series? My guess it is on the Heat, in no way do they want to face a fired up Pistons team and a rabid Palace crowd on Sunday. No way, no how. For all intents and purposes, this is the Heat's game 7. The Pistons live for this, the Heat just want to get thru it.

Is this the end of the Pistons as we currently know them? If I were a betting man, I'd lay money that Joe Dumars makes a move to improve the offense even more. Despite the heat Flip Saunders has been receiving, it appears he's coming back. He's an offensive minded coach in an NBA era that requires teams to score in bunches. Defense doesn't sell well to network TV. So he's going to make some personnel moves, as the Pistons do need more scoring. In fact, Ben Wallace may help make that decision for Joe D. Speaking of that...

Is this the last game as a Piston for Ben Wallace? Depends if Ben is willing to take less years and dollars to stay in the D. This is his only chance at a monster contract. But is a 32 year old center who's a liability on offense, despite his freakish defensive ability, worth a maximum deal? Will he turn down a max offer from a up and coming team like the Bulls, if the Pistons decide he's not worth silly money? Or would he stay for a few million less a year, and insure his legacy with the men who have their numbers in the Palace rafters as one of the best Pistons ever? It's a damn tough decision. But we all know one thing. Money talks, and you can't take a retired number to the bank.

The Pistons legacy that they'll be remembered in NBA lore as a great team is at stake. At this point, this Pistons team is a level below other dynasties. Honestly, with only 1 title, this Piston run has been excellent, but it's not a dynasty. They need to win another NBA title to be at least considered with, lets say, the 80's Pistons or 90's Rockets. Otherwise, they may go down as a very good team that won a title.

The Heat have a small championship window with an aged roster surrounding Dwayne Wade, so their future is now. That's a given. Shaq is beginning to show high mileage on his body. You can see the wear on his treads. You can say the same about Alonzo Mourning, the only reason he's still in the league is to win a title. Gary Payton is a shadow of his former all league self. Antione Walker has been around the block a few times. Jason Williams is what he is, and he's not getting better with age, just more conservative. You also have to wonder how long Pat Riley wants to stay behind the bench. Wade must realize that if the Heat don't win this season, their window may not stay open for another.

Speaking of Shaq, is this his last best chance at a title? Yes and yes. The Heat need to make their run between the fall of the Pistons and the rise of King James. The Pistons are on the ropes and the Cavs are a year or 2 away from serious contention. It's now or never.

Dwayne Wade, the next MJ? In the current NBA, give me Wade any day of the week, save for Lebron James. Even then, I'd really have to think about it. Wade may not be the next Jordan, but he'll be a cornerstone player that the star-centric NBA will promote as such. In other words, soon it will be Wade's and James' world, we'll just be living in it.

What of Flip Saunders, is he an inspiring leader and offensive guru, or the the coach that broke the Pistons? Right now, Flip's reviews are mixed, at best. That's includng his own players. The years of first round KO's in Minnesota have left a huge playoff monkey on his back. To gain the respect he needs to have from his roster, let alone the fans and media, Flip needs to guide the Pistons thru the minefield that is a playoff run. Winning this series would calm everyone's nerves in regard to Flip's coaching abilities. Otherwise, the second guesing will begin almost immeadiately.

Will Pat Riley's brooming of Stan Van Gundy be considered a move of genius, or a move of desperation that ended up backfiring? Either way, the dumping of Van Gundy coaching corspe comes off as a last grasp of glory for Pat Riley. He saw opportunity, and Van Gundy be damned, Riley took it and ran. Win a title, everyone will forgive and forget. Lose this series, and history may not be so kind.

If the Pistons lose, will the Tigers finally move into the forefront of the Detroit sports fan conciousness? The Tigers are slowly gaining notice from everyone, from the media on down. Dammit, I'm ready for a pennant race, it's been too long. But...I could easily live with a couple more weeks of NBA playoff insanity. Easily. I'm greedy though, I want BOTH!

As for tonight, who wins? Flip a coin. My heart desperately wants to say Pistons, but this game scares the living Hell out of me. The living Hell...

I'm not convinced that the Pistons are back...yet

The Pistons won another elimination game. It's amazing how they can ramp up their play with their backs against the wall. But why did it take so long to put together a decent performance? Notice I'm not saying it was a great performance? It was a clutch clutch clutch win, but it was far from a great game from the Pistons. It felt like they were in control, but they could never pull away. If the Heat aren't Wallace-esque from the line, the game is much tighter. The win may have stemmed the tide of the Heat's momentum, but the Pistons are still treading water unless they can win tomorrow night.

There are still questions to be asked...

Other than Tayshaun Prince, who is shooting well?

Prince saved their collective asses last night. He made shots. As for the rest of the Pistons? The 3 guards combined were 11-39. As a team, they only shot 42%, and what is killer, only 13% from three point land. They have to shoot better. The offense, for the most part, moved as it should, as Chauncey Billups' 10 assists and only 1 turnover showed. But they are still missing good open looks (I'm looking at you, Rip Hamilton), and it's going to catch up with them if they can't drain a few.

How badly is Rasheed Wallace's ankle truly hampering his play?

'Sheed normally shows up big in important games, but he disappeared again. 'Sheed putting up 7 and 5? If you told me before the game that 'Sheed would not be close to a double-double, I would have told you that the Pistons would lose. His his inside/outside role in the offense makes the whole team go. When was the last time 'Sheed hit one of his backbreaking 3 pointers off the pick and roll? Bad ankle or not, he needs to play better for the Pistons to advance.

Is Ben Wallace back, and here to stay?

8 points, 50% from the line, and Big Ben was literally all over the court on the defensive end. His stuffing of Shaq may be, if the Pistons make it to game 7, a series changing play. Where has that Ben Wallace been? And will that Wallace show up tomorrow? The "Defensive Player of the Year" Ben Wallace hadn't been seen since sometime in the Cavs series. Even with his energy, he still only had 7 boards. Rip Hamilton should never be the leading rebounder, let alone the only one in double figures. Rebounding is always going to be an issue with this team, but Wallace has to get double figure boards. The Pistons have a chance if Ben Wallace brings the energy he had last night. Can he maintain that energy? Or has all the locker room drama made him an inconsistent presence? We'll see on Friday.

Can the Pistons get by with only 2 contibutors off the bench?

I realize the benches shorten the deeper you get in the playoffs. But the bench is a concern. Only one of the bench players, Antonio McDyess, brings scoring. I say play McDyess till he drops, especially if 'Sheed is struggling. 'Dyess seems to want this series, and a NBA title, more than anyone else on the team. You can see his heart on his sleeve, so to speak. I love Lindsey Hunter's defensive energy, but he's severely limited on offnese. Much like I do when Ben Wallace goes to the line, I cringe when Hunter goes up for a jumper. Hunter can harass Wade better than anyone else the Pistons have, but he's become almost a Ben Wallace-like liability on offense. Considering another elimination game is on the horizon, I doubt we see anyone else getting bench minutes Friday, save for a token minute or two from Evans or Davis at the end of a quarter. Otherwise, let's hope 'Dyess doesn't go into a shooting slump, and that Hunter doesn't shoot...period.

What about Flip?

As Flip Saunders and the locker room unrest has been sliced, diced, and dissected ad nauseum, there really isn't much more to be said at this point. Other than saying that winning would cure all that ails the Pistons. The players said all the right things before the game. But do they actaually believe what they are saying?

So I'm not totally convinced that the 64 win Pistons are back. They have yet to put together a full 48 minute all around game in this series. Miami does not want a game 7 in Detroit, so they are going to come out breathing fire. If the Pistons can stay in the game early, survive the obvious heat the Heat will bring, they have a chance tomorrow. But if the Pistons come out listless, thinking the game is already won, as we have seen countless times in this playoff run, their season ends tomorrow. And everyone, the media, the fans, the players, will be bitching again.

Win tomorrow, and most everything...the locker room dramatics, the personal sniping, the listless play, the bodies under the proverbial bus...will be, if not forgotten, forgiven.

Win tomorrow, and I'll believe.